PICK ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!
You are in your 20s, and just starting your career. It sure is tough these days and competition is fierce. Everyone has the same level of qualifications as you and you wonder why life is this difficult. So here are some thoughts to get you through till you land your next interview. 😉
1. When you enter the building like
And you wonder, why they gave you this time slot when they are going to go ahead and be an hour late for your interview anyways. So you sit there, like you are deep in thought like a potential leader.
2. Wow, the washroom is amazing! This must be a great place to work!
The receptionist was so friendly, they’ve got indoor plants, a special cafeteria and vending machines and great color coordination! This must be the best place to work ever! OMG the people who come here look so happy! Gosh, I need this so bad. This is it. This is my big break.
3. Oh I have to fill this 3 page document about my resume that you asked me to bring? You still want me to attach my resume to this document as well?
Sure, great. Whatever. What does the job my parents do even have to do with anything?
4. OH Crap! I hear footsteps!
Better make my hair and smooth my shirt quick! Great, get stuck in the sofa. Make loads of farting noises, while you’re at it. You definitely made the best impression as the next revolutionary leader. Chuckle, chuckle, dammit! Act like you are confident but still humble.
5. If I had a dollar for every time an interview started with “Tell me about yourself.”
Glad I just practiced a few seconds ago with that document on my CV. And yes, you didn’t even look at it, whilst asking me what my dad’s job is. Yes I’m 22 and no I have no plan on getting married. Yes, I’m an only child. Of course, my mom will let me move to Agarapathana. I love to travel! (Big Smile. Big Smile. Confidence is key.)
6. Why do I want to join this company?
Because I’m jobless and desperate? Just kidding. I mean, I’m totally jobless and desperate but the real reason why I want to join this company is for the amazing learning culture. I’ve heard that you’ve won the ‘Great place to work’ award, 2 years in a row. Yes, really, that’s why.
7. What are your strengths? Do you have any special talents?
8. “Have you ever had an opportunity to work with aggressive bosses? Because my biggest weakness as a boss is shouting at people and you will be reporting to me if you are selected.”
Yes, yes. I absolutely love people shouting at me. Oh by the way, did you also know, my favorite movie is also Fifty Shades of Grey, you psycho.
9. What are your weaknesses?
Ha! Like I’m going to tell you what my real weaknesses are. Let’s just take a strength and put on a sorry attitude and just blabber how, “Yes, I am the biggest perfectionist ever. I mean it helps get things done, but it can get a tad annoying, because it really stresses me out.”
10. Great. I totally googled this question last night. Wait, what?
11. “We are expecting a hard worker, who doesn’t shy from pressure and isn’t looking for an 8-5 job. You are required to work long hours and deal with stressful stakeholders,” says the confident and successful interviewer who looks like she’s given her team some hard nights.
Wow, what do I say to that? “Oh, no, I love working with pressure. It is a challenge and work without challenge is boring. I also love to learn, so this sounds perfect for me!” (Hope they cover transport and medication for pressure tablets and eventual depression).
12. “Great, so what do you earn right now and what are you expecting?”
Shrug! Act like I do not care what I am going to be paid. No! Why would I care? I mean I spent all my time and my parents’ money on this degree, CIMA certification, diploma and unpaid internships but no, I do not care about money now. I could give voluntary service here for all I care.
Wow, the starting basic salary is Rs. 25,000 inclusive of transport commission but don’t worry, don’t worry, there is great career growth.
Is this even legal? How can minimum wages be this bad?
“You can expect to get to executive level if we are happy with your performance, in say, 2 to 3 years.“ Wow you do know that, my salary for the next year is equal to the cost of around 8 discounted formal blouses you expect your team to wear as part of the formal culture.
13. Oh okay, you will inform me if I’m through to the next stage by the end of next week. Nice.
I have enough and more time to kill. Oh, so there’s 40 people sitting for interviews today? And there’s an assessment after that? Out of which, you plan on onboarding, ONE management trainee? Nice! I do like a healthy competition (Try not to smile too wide).
14. Any questions?
Oh we are at the end. Thank God, it’s over.
15. God, I hope I get through.
Facing an interview can be super scary, but just remember, getting your CV noticed out of hundreds of applicants is an accomplishment. So take a deep breath and chill. The key is not thinking too much!
Featured image credit: http://www.osa.gg/